More reasons to fear a severe reading addiction...

I can quit anytime. Really I can. Just let me finish this chapter first.

Wish our media would try this every once in a while

Not much else to say. Best headline I've seen all day.

Alternative Energy? Well, it Depends...

Well, here's a new twist to the "cloth versus disposables" debate...

The Patriot Claus II

In this holiday comedy, the Homeland Security office tries to get their hands on Santa's naughty list so they can incarcerate potential juvenile delinquents before they become hardened criminals. Hillarity ensues as the elves try to protect the childrens' privacy and civil rights. Steve Martin plays the intimidating John Oakcroft, who uses every trick in the book, and many out of it, to wrest the list from Santa's Little Helpers. Macaulay Culkin, playing Bart the Elf, brilliantly pulls of some hysterical slapstick gags. The scene where Bart designs a Rube Goldberg machine invloving Rudolph, Santa's sleigh, Mrs. Claus's underwear, a Talking Tina doll, and the hot new toy, the Terror Alert Ernie, will have you rolling in the aisles. If it doesn't, you just might find yourself on Oakcroft's naughty list after all!

Rating: Rated *censored* for *censored*
Two thumbs up (if they haven't cut them off yet)

Yet another reason to study science...

I think there are several very cool things about this article. One is that physicists invented a word game. The other is that a physics based site actually reported it as physics news. I expect if popular media ever does something on this game, they won't mention the physics angle. Not that I expect popular media to mention this game, mind you, because it's not full of enough doom, gloom and fear. But that's another soap box for another day.

I'd also get on my rant about the physics phear rampant in today's society, but I don't have time to write it up now. I promise I will someday, though.

New in Theaters!

In the heat of battle, four Civil War soldiers accidentally run their commander through with a bayonette. They make a pact to hide the body. One year later, one of them, Captain Nathan Algren (played by Sarah Michelle Geller) heads to Japan as a mercenary. After receiving threatening letters stating "I know what you did..." he allows himself to be captured by the other side. Here, Nathan discovers the code of the Samurai, his love of his foe's wife (played by Buffy the Vampire Slayer), and the friendship of the Samurai warrior Katsumoto (played by G.I. Joe, the Ken Wannabe). But Nathan's friends and his new found ideals may just be the victim of a serial killer (played by Tom Cruise, who is played by Freddie "Prinze" Kruger) out for revenge. As the body count rises, you find yourself yelling to Nathan "I know what will happen when you open that closet!" in more spots than one. The promising premise turns into standard teen terror and gore as soon as the opening credits stop rolling.

Rated R for Reliably Gory
One thumb up for gratutious open shirt scenes
One thumb down for stealing the best scenes out of Scream 3.

Oh what fun...

Watch this idyllic winter wonderland for a bit , and then shake, rattle and roll. Try all directions, and if you normally have your sound off, turn it on for this.

And for you movie review fans, don't worry, I'm going back to the theater any day now.

Do I really want an as seen on tv?

I was looking for reviews of something I was thinking of buying. One of the sites that popped up was this one.

I'm still trying to figure out what a "does it work AND as seen on tv" is....
Does it come with a moss-covered family gredunzle? And what is the story behind the cousin who invented it??

Inquiring minds probably don't really want to know...

For those of you who prefer renting videos to moving going, check out this holiday classic!

Return of the Magi, Special Edition
In this exciting conclusion to the Star Tours trilogy, Melchior, Gaspar and Balthazar fight to prevent the Empire from completing a second, flaw-free Death Star of Bethlehem. With the help of some cute fuzzy Ewoks, a drummer boy, and a few camels, the Evil Emperor Herod is defeated. Cry at the touching scene where Darth Vader, dying in the arms of his son Melchior, is absolved of all his sins and ascends to heaven. You'll also probably want to replay the scene where Balthazar is dressed in a slave girl outfit and forced to dance in the stables after being captured by the gluttonous inn-keeper Jabba the Hutt.

Rating: The force is strong in this one.

Movies to see:

The Return of the Ring

One week after veiwing the mysterious writing on a plain gold band, some hobbits, a dwarf, a few elves and a wizard are killed under mysterious circumstances. In an attempt to solve the mystery, Aragorn (played by Naomi Watts) kills a whole bunch of orcs and then kills a whole bunch more. Unfortuantely massive product placements for Gillette razors and Clarol Herbal Essence shampoos ruin the rugged manly look of many of the main characters.

Rated R for Rugged Manliness
Rated G for Gore
Two thumbs up for special effects.
Two thumbs up for "total destruction of the set" ending.

A Cautionary Tale

Once there were three little pigs who went off to seek their fortune. The
first one founded the Kingdom of Pigonia, and built himself a beautiful
palace made of straw. He decreed that all his subjects must build their
houses of straw. The second founded the Kingdom of Porkovia, and built
himself a beautiful palace made of sticks. He, too, decreed that all his
subjects must build palaces made of sticks. The third little pig went and
founded the Kingdom of Baconatus. He build his palace out of stone, and
allowed his subjects to build out of whatever material they wanted, so long
as it was up to the rather rigorous fire and wolf codes.

One day, a wolf in sheep's clothing came to Baconatus. He had no food, just
a stone. Well, you know the old stone soup trick. The wolf tried to pull
it, but was driven out of the country, which had very stringent anti-wolf
laws. The wolf filed a lawsuit with the BCLU, which was tossed out on the
grounds that it was unBaconatus to question the laws of the land.
Distraught and hungry, the wolf continued on his way.

The next day, the wolf went to Porkovia. He tried the stone soup trick
there, and in the process set fire to the stables. The sticks did not burn
very quickly, luckily, for it had rained the day before, and only the
stables had to be rebuilt. The soup pot was big enough to hold all the
subjects of Porkovia, however, so the wolf didn't bother blowing any of the
houses down. He was actually a decent wolf at heart.

Then the wolf went to Pigonia. When he built the fire for stone soup there,
he managed to burn the entire kingdom down by accident. He was very sorry,
and did his best to see the smoked bacon had not died in vain.

Primary Moral: People who live in grass houses should not stew stones.
Secondary Moral: Good anti-Wolf laws save you a lot of trouble.

The Loooooooooove Boat soon will be making another run....

In this week's episode, Captain "Delay That Order" Stubbing sticks it to a Big Apple. Meanwhile Gopher wishes he were an actor once more... Can we say "offshore gamboling", boys and girls? I knew we could!